I’ve noticed an interesting difference between my girls. Claire is an encourager. When Ella is attempting to do something, Claire cheers her on.  And if Ella happens to be better at doing something than Claire, well, Claire still encourages her and praises her. This happens a lot when it comes to certain physical activities. Ella is naturally more athletic. Surprisingly, I can’t recall a time when Claire ever seemed jealous of her sister when she was able to do something and Claire couldn’t. I like this quality in Claire and I hope she never changes.

Ella, on the other hand, has a hard time when she can’t perform as well as someone else.  Usually her reaction includes these words,  “I can’t…I don’t…I’ll never be able…Why is she better?…I don’t have…I’m not smart enough…”  Honestly, it can be a frustrating thing to deal with. Of course when appropriate we try to use these as “teaching moments, ” teaching her about being grateful for what she can do, to be content with the natural abilities God has given her… etc. Of course, there’s only so much you can do to reason with a five year old so I’m hoping that with age she outgrows this. However, something I read in that Holy Abandonment book reminded me it’s not necessarily something we outgrow with age. It seems that often God has to reason with us grown ups and remind us of these very same truths as we navigate different passages of life.

The text I read is long but  it’s worth sharing the whole thing. You can tell by the language and style that it was written a while ago but it’s still a lesson for all ages and all times.

We should all be content with the gifts and talents wherewith Providence has endowed us, and no one should ever permit himself to complain of the fact that he has not received as much intelligence or skill as another, or that his strength hs been impaired by over-work, years or illness…because even the most gifted have always some defects which oblige them to practice resignation and humility…

In this matter, just as in everything else, we are bound to conform ourselves to the will of God, to be satisfied with the talents which He has given us, and with the conditions in which He has placed us. Therefore we should not wish to be wiser, more skillful, or held in higher esteem than is in accordance with His good-pleasure. If we are not so liberally endowed as some others, if we have some natural defect of body or mind, an unprepossessing exterior, or disabled limb, poor health, a treacherous memory, a slow intelligence, a weak judgment…we must not complain or murmur…nor must we envy those endowed with the qualities we lack. A person would show very bad taste by taking offense because the present given him as a pure favor was not as rich or as beautiful as he would have liked. Was God obliged to give us a more brilliant mind or a better body? Could He have not created us in a condition less favorable still…Have we merited as much as He has bestowed upon us? No, it is a pure largess of His bounty to which we are immensely indebted. Who would complain of a gratiuity he has received? Let us, then, suppress this miserable pride which would make us ingrates, and humbly thank the Lord for the gifts He has been pleased to grant us.

In the distribution of natural talents God is not obliged to respect our facllacious principles of equality. Under no obligation to anyone, He remains absolute Master of His benefits. He is guilty of no injustice when he gives more to some and less to others.  His wisdom directs Him to bestow on each as much as is required fro the charge He will to entrust to him. The artisan makes his instruments of the size, weight, and form best suited for the work in which he means to employ them. In the same manner, God gives us our different minds and talents according to the service He has designed for us and the degree of glory He intends to derive therefrom…Above all else, He seeks the good of our souls, or rather His one exclusive object is to procure His own glory by our sanctification. And like Him, we, too, ought to see in all His gifts, natural and supernatural, only the means to glorify the Giver by sanctifying ourselves.

Rt. Rev. Dom Vitalis Lehodey, Holy Abandonment, pp. 191-193

“Vita communis est mea maxima penitentia.”

St. John Berchmans

Translation: Life in community is my greatest penance.

I laughed out loud when I read this quote. I’ve been known to say that if I didn’t have to deal with people I would be a really holy Christian (that should give you some insight into the depth of my self-love and pride). You know, that whole love your neighbor as yourself  thing can sure be a stumbling block to living the Gospel message. Oh yeah, that is the Gospel message isn’t it?

James Martin says that upon hearing this quote one of his Jesuit brothers aptly responded by saying, ” Well I wonder what the community thought of him. “

In light of my flesh, I’m not sure I’d want to know what the community thinks of me. Perhaps St. John Berchmans didn’t either. 

A while ago one of my friends suggested I keep a list on my blog of what I’m reading, have read, love to read etc…

I put a text box in the margin that inlcudes some of those books. If you’re looking for a book to read and you have a question about something I listed feel free to ask.

*Note: That Holy Abandonment book is really getting on my nerves. I’m not sure how much longer my flesh can stand it so consider yourself forewarned.

A few of you have noticed and asked about the password protection on some of my posts. Some strange web search inquiries were showing up on my blog stats and I just got a creepy feeling about the word choices and intent behind those searches. I’ve decided that family photos, especially those including my girls and precious nieces, will now require a password to see. If you’re a family member, friend or blog friend and I haven’t sent you the password just let me know and I’ll get it to you. A reminder for all my mom friends, if you get a creepy feeling about anything regarding the safety of your kids, always go with your gut. God gave us that intuition for a reason.

There’s this young woman I know. Well, actually she’s just an acquaintance. No, she’s more than that, she’s a sister in Christ with a great love for our Lord.  I met her at the 7:00 am mass last December. Who knew that that young working adults got up at such an hour to spend time with God? Ocassionally she is the lector and I always enjoy hearing her read the Word of God. She has a peaceful, gentle voice that’s easy to listen to (that’s the speech professor side of me coming out). Anyway, she’s about to embark on an exciting journey. Her blog is called “Sister Soon.”  Her story inspires me and reminds me to pray for all who are seeking their vocation in life and to continue to pray for those who’ve found it. Click here to read more. Better read it now because by the end of August she’ll be off-line (and for very good reason). May God bless you Gina. You’ll be in my prayers.

It’s Good Friday. I’ve made an effort to keep this day simple. Tonight I’ll go to church for the Stations of the Cross but today I’ve left plenty of time for reading, reflection, prayer and time to just enjoy the girls. I started thinking about how busy life gets and how it’s easy to miss those simple moments, like when Claire just laughs and laughs over the silliest thing. She has a great laugh. And Ella, well, she can make you smile with just one of her goofy looks. I don’t want to miss those moments. I want to slow down and enjoy them as much as possible.

Today we recognize the anniversary of Jesus’ suffering and death on the cross. As I’ve spent time reflecting on the signficance of this day and enjoying my girls I’ve been thinking of Mary, Jesus’ mother.  I bet she would have given anything for another day with Jesus. Another day to hold her son, to laugh with him, to recall childhood memories. I bet she knew each and every one of Jesus’ expressions of joy, sorrow and pain. I bet she knew his sense of humor and could predict the things that would make him laugh. Moms just know those things about their kids. It’s how we’re wired. Because we’re wired that way, I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of her agony and sorrow as she watched her son suffer unjustly.

I’ve been thinking about Mary a lot today. I know some of my readers won’t get this. They’ll  think I’m missing the gospel message by focusing on Jesus’ mom. If you’re one of those hang with me and read on.

You see, the message of the cross is one of love and sacrifice. It’s about Jesus’ love and sacrifice. And where do you think he learned how to love and sacrifice? Yes, from his Heavenly Father but also from his mother. She was the first Christian. The first human to carry Christ in her heart and in her body. She sacrificed a great deal when she said yes to God’s call to carry the Messiah in her womb. And if you’re a mom then you know she sacrificed everything as she watched her son die. Any of the moms I know would have jumped up on the cross and taken their child’s place in a heartbeat. Don’t think for a moment that Mary didn’t want to do the same.

Family. It’s everything. God is all about family. Hence, God THE FATHER, and God THE SON. But a family is incomplete without a mother. God knows this and He did not leave us without a mother.

Here’s the simple but beautiful logic. Jesus was part of a family. He had a Father and a mother.  We (you and me) have been adopted into God’s family. We’re a  part of Christ’s family. He is our brother which means…you guessed it… Mary is our mother. She’s our spiritual mother. In case you have any doubt read Revelation chapter 12 which tells us that those who keep his commands are her offspring (Rev. 12:17). And, think about one of the last things Jesus did on the cross. He gave his mother to John. Read the early church fathers and it’s clear that the early church understood this gesture to mean that Jesus was giving his mother to all of us.

You may be thinking that this doesn’t make a bit a difference but I assure you it does. God, in his wisdom, knew that we needed a mother, a mother who knew what it meant to sacrifice for her child(ren). A mother who would say yes to God. A mother who would allow God’s plan to unfold no matter how painful it might be for her.  You see she could have intervened and tried to stop Christ’s crucifixion but instead she allowed the son she birthed to be sacrificed so that her other children, you and me, His his brothers and sisters, could be saved. Don’t you get it? This woman, who was full of grace, sacrificed what was most precious to her heart for us, for God’s family.

This is a part of the message of the cross, sacrifice expressed through the love of a mother. And today, as I enjoy my little girls I’m so grateful for the sacrificial love of Mary. She is a mother who knows the sorrow of losing a child. And I can testify to having cried out for her prayers when I lost a little one I desperately longed to hold.  She is a woman who knows what it is to say yes to God when His will seemed impossible. I’ve asked her to pray for me as I’ve struggled to accept what has seemed impossible in my own life. She is in heaven and she cares about us.

Forget about your limited human understanding of time and space. Forget about the lies you’ve heard about how Catholics worship Mary. Leave behind your fears and think for a moment. If you’re a Christian, what makes you truly alive? It is your spirit. It’s the spirit of Christ in you.  So, although Mary is physically dead, she is fully alive in heaven. The same spirit of Christ that unites you and me, unites us with those who have gone before us, including Mary. This is the communion of saints that we sense between our brothers and sisters on earth. It is the same spirit, communion, that unites us with those who’ve physcially died.

To my fellow moms, you have a mom in heaven who knows your heartaches. She watched her son die on a cross. Do you not think she gets the depths of your agony as you watch your own children struggle through difficult times? Don’t you think that the woman who gave birth to a son only to watch him die on a cross for OUR salvation cares and prays for us? She has a vested interest in the well-being of Jesus’ brothers and sisters, her offspring.

For the motherless, she is your mother. For those whose moms didn’t trust in God, she is the Godly mother. For those whose mothers abused them instead of protecting them with tender love, she is the mother who knows how to love–she gave birth to Love. For those whose mothers were selfish, she is the mother who sacrificed her greatest treasure just for you.

God is all about family. He’s our Father. He’s our Brother. And, He’s given us a mother. Not so that we can worship her or make her an idol. But as a gift full of grace. Because, every family needs a mom.

I rarely post an entire article on this blog but this article is worth reading. It was brought to my attention by someone in my homeschool support group. You can click on the title below to see the original article.

The Pope, The Rabbi and Condoms

DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER

During his recent African trip, Pope Benedict XVI said that the distribution of condoms would not resolve the AIDS problem.

The Pope has made it clear that abstinence is going to be the best way to fight AIDS. Google “Pope” and “condoms,” and you’ll never run out of reading material excoriating the man for his observation and opinion. Many health advocates have gone ballistic in their criticism of his comments. They feel it is one thing to promote abstinence as part of the Catholic religion, but that it is an entirely different thing to preach it to the world.

On a person-by-person basis, wearing a condom does, of course, offer some protection against contracting various venereal diseases and (of course) unwanted pregnancy. It is also true that condoms sometimes break, slip, or are put on incorrectly. Everything has its limitations…except abstinence.

I remember listening to a rabbi describing a situation that occurred to his kosher family. His 7 year old child was invited to a birthday party for a classmate at one of those fast-food hamburger establishments. When he came to pick up his child at the end of the party, one of the mothers — clearly annoyed — chastised him for the pain he caused his son. “All the children had hamburgers, chicken nuggets, french fries and dessert, and your little boy had to sit there and eat none of it. Imagine how terrible your son must have felt? How could you do this to him? Food is food. There is nothing sinful about food. What you are doing to him is just cruel.” Just about at the end of her tirade, his son bounded up to him, gave him a huge hug around the waist, and said “I had a great time. This was a fun party.”

The woman blanched and walked away. The rabbi followed her and gently told her the following: animals will eat whatever is around, even if it will make them unhealthy. Humans are to rise above animals and become masters of their urges. Imagine my son in a dorm room where harmful illicit drugs are being passed about. We already know that peer pressure and urges will not force him to relent and give in to the impulse. Learning at his early age to control impulse and desire is not a harmful trait — many times, it might be a life-saving one. Look at him. He enjoyed the company of your son and the rest of the children without giving up his values. He looks happy and satisfied. We really need to bring up our children to be masters of their instincts, not slaves to them, don’t you think?

The woman scowled, but listened to him.

Yes, in any one instance, a condom could protect, but in the overall scheme of humanity, why do so many people wish to push away the enormous protective power of moral values?

When the Pope suggests that human beings are best off saving their sexual passion for the stability of a covenant of marriage, he is making a statement that the act of sexuality is elevated by the context, and ultimately protects both man and woman from a myriad of hurtful consequences from venereal diseases to unwanted pregnancies (complete with abortions, abandonment, single-parenthood, and homelessness to name a few).

The naysayers all have one thing in common: they refuse to believe or accept that human beings can commit to a higher spiritual state of thought and behavior. The Pope believes in us more than that.

I am not Catholic, so this is no knee-jerk defense of my spiritual leader. The truth is that he is simply correct and too many people don’t want to hear it, because they want to live lives unfettered by rules. It is sad that they don’t realize that this makes them a slave to animal impulse versus a master of human potential.

The point Schlessinger makes is significant. It can be applied to all areas of our lives. Are we like animals, slaves to our impulses, fleshly cravings and appetites. Or, are we something more, created to be more–a people created in the image God and called to be slaves to Him and His righteousness?

So, what enslaves you? Are you a slave to people, your need to please others, your need for their respect and recognition. Or perhaps you’re a slave to money or to your appetite for sex, food or drink? The list of masters we may choose to serve is endless…St. Paul has this to say about our choice:

What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don’t you know that when offer yourselves to someone (something) to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to one you obey–whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads righteousness? (Romans 6: 15-16)  

My prayer for today: Lord, by your grace, help me to be a slave to the obedience that comes by faith and leads to righteousness. Amen

Michelle, one of the moms in my homeschool support group, has battled cancer for a while. I don’t know her well. We’ve only met a couple of times. However, her close friends in the group kept us informed of her health so we could pray for her. She came close to death in 2007 but was cancer free for the last year. Then one day last week she was taken to the hospital where they discovered she had a brain tumor. She died on December 31, 2008.  Michelle left behind a daughter. I can only imagine how much she misses her mom this morning.

Nothing like death to stop and make you think. Especially when you’re thinking about making resolutions for the new year.  It puts into perspective what matters most. I find myself thinking: What if 2009 were my last year here on earth? What if today, January 2, 2009 were the last January 2nd I would ever see. How would I live this day differently?

Now I’ve been asked that thought-provoking question before, you know the one that says,  if you had only two months to live how would you spend your time? In my mind I’ve formulated what those 60 days would like like. My plans for those 60 days reveal much about my true ideals and priorities in life.  

The reality though, is that  I don’t know when I will die. I could be here for another week or another 50 years. I can’t drop everything and live like I only have 60 days left on this planet.  There is laundry to be done (I wouldn’t do laundry during my last 60 days on earth . My kids need to be taught. There are meals to prepare and many other chores that I can’t avoid for the rest of my life. Still, questions like that are good because they make you think. Michelle’s death makes me think too. It makes me think about how I will do life in 2009.

In the coming year…

• I will think twice about about the petty little things  I let bother me – letting go of those worries and concerns that are not “eternal.”
• I will make an effort to renew and restore some relationships this year.
• To paraphrase Henri Nouwen: Instead of seeing all of life’s interruptions as interruptions and getting annoyed by them, I will see life’s interruptions as life — living them and loving others through them.
• I will avoid “future tripping” –that is, worrying about the future so much that I’m not living in the present.
• Finally, I will complain less and rejoice more, even in the the difficult moments,  especially in difficult moments.

These a just a few of the thoughts in my head. I know they’re a bit broad but the Holy Spirit will help me work out the details.

So, how do you want to do life differently in 2009?