My Great Temptation

March 21, 2008 at 2:25 pm (Lent, My Identity in Christ, Temptation)

bread 

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No, it’s not “carbs” as the picture might suggest. I’m sure that’s surprising to those of you who know I have a huge sweet tooth and a penchant for Blue Moon beer. No, my great temptation is something different.

Ever since graduate school when I was mentored by a wise Christian woman I’ve come believe that knowing who I am in Christ and who I am a part from Him is the key to persevering in His grace. The great temptation I (we) face on a daily basis is to deny, forget and lose faith in our identity as God’s beloved son or daughter.  

Why is this such a great temptation?

Monsignor Lorenzo Albacete expresses it beautifully. Here is an excerpt taken from one of his meditations found in yesterday’s Magnificat readings.

Meditation on the temptations of Jesus has always been part of the Church’s celebration of Lent…

“If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves.” (Matt. 4:3)

All particular temptations are expressions of this one original or “primordial temptation. This is the temptation to believe that the fulfillment of the desires of the human heart depends entirely on us. Dependence on another leaves us at the mercy of what we cannot control. Therefore, we are tempted to reject all forms of dependence.

The most radical dependence is love. Therefore, the original temptation is to deny that our existence is a pure and perfect gift of an infinite Love that deserves to be loved in return. The fullest revelation that God is love is the incarnation of Christ. Therefore, the primordial temptation is to reject the incarnation and its consequences.

Even Jesus himself was subject to this temptation. He was tempted to deny the very experience of his own identity: “If you are the Son of God…” The boldness of the temptation is terrifying. The temptation of Jesus is to doubt his own identity as the Father’s Son. It is really not a matter of proving his divinity; it is a tempation to reject his absolute dependence on the Father as the revelation of his own divinity! It is to betray the revelation of God as Trinity, of God as Love. [Magnificat: March, 2008, p. 122]

This is my daily temptation as well. It seems the world, my flesh and the enemy conspire to lead me down my own path of independence and self-reliance.  They whisper lies to my heart that tempt me to forget what my innermost being knows to be true: I am sustained by my Father who loves me, who calls me his beloved daughter and has my very best interests at heart. When I listen to the lies and forget this truth I am tempted to pick up the stones around me and feast on them. I look for sustenance where sustenance can’t be found.  In the process I’ve suffered the painful consequence of a chipped tooth or two and worse. That is why I need and choose to run to to the table as often as possible. It is there I am reminded of the truth of who He is and who I am in Him. It’s there that I feast on true sustanance, Jesus, the bread of life.

This is the truth that Jesus knew:  I am the Son of God and my Father will sustain me. How simple and yet profound and powerful. We can know and rest in this truth too.  This truth overcomes that great temptation to depend on myself instead of the loving provision of my Father. We must always remember we are His beloved sons and daughters and Father will sustain us by the power of the Holy Spirit through His Son Jesus, the true bread of life.

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For a Gentle Life

March 19, 2008 at 12:56 pm (Uncategorized)

This prayer from The Essential Catholic Prayer Book ministered to me today.

Thought I’d share it…

Prayer for a Gentle Life 

Teach me, my Lord, to be kind and gentle in all the events of my life; in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me put myself aside, to think of the happiness of others, to hide my pains and heartaches, so that I may be the only one to suffer from them.

Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me use it so that it may mellow me, not embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow, proud, and overbearing.

May no one be less good for having come within my influence. No one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble for having been a fellow traveler in our journey toward eternal life. As I go my rounds from one task to another, let me say from time to time a word of love to you, my Lord. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.

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The Evidence of Brokenness

March 17, 2008 at 7:55 pm (Brokenness, Dying to Self, Jesus, Maturing in Christ, Surrendering)

It’s Holy Week. For those who celebrate Holy Week it’s a time to meditate on Christ’s suffering and death as we prepare to celebrate His glorious resurrection and victory over death.

I’ve been asking the Lord to shine His light into the dark places in my life–those places where I hide my pride and sweep my sin under the rug. He keeps bringing me back to the word “brokenness.” At first I wasn’t sure where He was headed with this. What does brokenness have to do with this examination of my conscience? But then He started to remind me of something…

When something is broken we tend to think it’s useless. We either fix it or trash it. But that’s not the case in God’s economy. With God, that which is broken is actually that which is most useful. In God’s economy that which is broken can now be holy, or whole, if you will.

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Christ’s body had to be broken so that we might know holiness or wholeness. But Christ’s body hanging on the cross is not the only image of his brokenness. Christ’s suffering on way to the cross gives us the perfect example of a man whose will was broken and completely surrendered to the Father.

“Christ Jesus, though he was in the form of God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself taking the form of a slave…humbled himself becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Phil. 2:6-7)

Notice that he was like a slave. It took humility and obedience to be like a slave. It took brokenness in order to allow his body to be broken on the cross. In other words, Christ was already broken before He got up on that cross. But His brokenness wasn’t a useless, or pathetic kind of brokenness. His brokenness was the perfect picture of holiness and wholeness. His brokenness was holy (whole) and beautiful because His will was to do the will of the Father, no matter the cost.

It’s another one of God’s paradoxes. If you want to be holy (to be whole), you must be broken.

But, being broken so as to submit to the Father’s will often hurts. Think of Jesus in the garden sweating blood and agonizing over the cup that Father was handing Him.

We say we want to be holy like Jesus but do we really? 

Holiness requires brokenness. Brokenness requires complete surrender of our will. Surrendering our will requires we surrender our rights like Jesus did.  

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I ran across this list someone gave me years ago. I think I referenced it once before in another post. It’s called The Evidence of Brokenness…It could just as easily be called Evidence of Holiness or Wholeness. I can’t tell you how many times God has brought me back to this list.

Brokenness is evident when you no longer react out of your flesh when the following rights are challenged:

Your right to possessions

Your right to  to a good reputation and to be respected

Your right to be treated fairly by others

Your right to good health, beauty or strength

Your right to take offense

Your right to have friends

Your right to see the results you want

Your right to be right

Your right to avoid suffering

Your right to be heard and have your position understood by others

Your right to be loved by others who are “supposed” to love you

Your right to justice

Your right to be successful in whatever you do

Your right to be accepted and well liked

Your right to be forgiven by others

Your right to life itself 

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How about it, have you surrendered your rights like Jesus? Do you no longer react out of the flesh when these rights are challenged by others or your cirumstances? Is there evidenece of brokenness in your life? Is there evidence of holiness?

Each time I meditate on this list I see some progress in some areas of my life. But I can see other areas of my life where I need to experience the brokenness of Jesus. Areas I need to surrender so that I can be like Jesus was on the way to the cross — broken, humble, emptied and holy.  

I want to whole in Christ. The question is am I willing to broken in order to be whole? Am I willing to be broken in order to be holy?

As Father shines His light into my heart that’s what He is asking me today.

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“How are ya Ralph?”

March 13, 2008 at 7:37 pm (Carrying your cross, Christian Fellowship, Grace)

The other day I was in the sacristy at church looking over the readings and preparing to serve as the lector and I ran into Ralph, the altar server. I glanced up from my reading and in our society’s ritualistic manner of greeting said,

“How are ya Ralph?”

Expecting the typical ritualistic response, “Fine and how are you Amy?” I was surprised when, with a grin and a nod, he simply said,

“I’m ok, just carrying my cross today.”

My cross that week was feeling especially heavy and so I smiled, nodded, and said,

“Yep, me too Ralph, me too.”

Ralph’s simple response and our exchange meant more to me than the other possible options. In those few seconds Ralph gave me an honest response. It wasn’t a fake, let me hide who I am and pretend life is a bowl of cherries response. But neither was it a litany of complaints or a “woe is me” response. It was both real and yet hopeful.

In that simple statement Ralph was honest about the fact that his life right now isn’t necessarily easy. And yet his words were full of hope because they were so Christ focused. Ralph understands that Jesus calls us to carry our cross and when life presents those crosses we shouldn’t be surprised. He also knows we shouldn’t be completely overwhelmed because there’s grace. Hence the smile and the nod.

In that brief exchange I felt like I saw a piece of Ralph’s heart which gave me the freedom to in turn share mine. No need to share all the details or have a long drawn out intimate conversation. No, the 17 words we shared were more than enough for some genuine Christian fellowship. And more than enough for Ralph to share a bit of hope with me.

I’m not alone on my journey. You’re not alone on this journey. We’re on this journey together. We each carry our cross but we carry it with the hope of something better in the future. And we carry it by grace. Sometimes that grace comes in unexpected ways. On that day, Ralph was a bit of God’s grace sent to lighten the load of my cross.  Thank you Ralph.

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The grace of an imperfect life

March 7, 2008 at 7:55 pm (Grace, Maturing in Christ)

When we think of God’s grace we often think of the grace of forgiveness and mercy; the grace of salvation.  You know… “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like meeeeeee.”

But over the years I’ve learned and still am learning something. While I desperately need His grace when I sin and fall short of living the ideal of a life fully surrendered and directed by the Holy Spirit, I also need His grace when life falls short of my ideals, hopes and expectations.

 

We all have ideals for our life. Many of these ideals we seek are “good.” These hopes or ideals we have for our lives, our families and our friends are very often born out of virtue and the very nature of our created being and our vocations in life.

The man who desires to provide for and protect his family.

The missionary who wants nothing more than to care for the poor and feed the hungry in her midst.

The woman who longs to carry a child in her womb.

We hold onto our ideals. We dare to hope for what is good. All the while knowing that we live in an imperfect, fallen world; a world where often the distance between our hopes and reality is marked by disappointment.

This disappointment of the man or woman who never dreamed they’d end up divorced.

The disappointment of the parent whose child chooses to live after the flesh and not after the spirit.

The disappointment of the one who gives up their personal dreams to serve and take care of a sick relative.

The disappointment of the widower who loses his beloved and must live the rest of his days without her.

When our disappointments are rooted in an unfullfilled desire for something that is essentially good it can be especially difficult. It’s at times like these, when life is less than our ideal, less than perfect, that we need God’s grace.

We need grace to live with disappointments and still hold out hope for what is good and virtuous. We need grace to offer up our disappointments as a sacrifice and see them as part of living in this fallen world and sharing in the fellowship of His sufferings.

We also need grace to see that sometimes our loss or disappointment can be a gift of grace itself. It may well be the grace we need in order to allow the Holy Spirit to align our ideals, hopes, and dreams with his will and ways. Or, our loss or disappointment may be the grace we need to see a sin that we didn’t even realize we’d latched onto.

Big or small, our disappointments, our losses and sufferings make up the landscape of grace in our lives. Sometimes it’s hard to see the beauty of this landscape. We’re so focused on a specific disappointment or loss that we can’t see the forest for the trees. But if we are patient and we keep our gaze on him, we will eventually see the big picture and appreciate the grace of an imperfect life.

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In my perfect world…

March 5, 2008 at 2:27 pm (Family, motherhood)

baby foot

In my perfect world…

… I’d get to count your fingers and toes today

In my perfect world…

…today you’d meet your Daddy and his silly sense of humor

In my perfect world… 

…Ella would wear the “I’m the big sister” t-shirt

In my perfect world…

…the sleep deprivation would begin today

In my perfect world… 

…Claire would have another sibling to boss around 

In my perfect world…

…there’d be a little more chaos in our family today

In my perfect world… 

…today I’d be holding you instead of missing you

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A cool fringe benefit…

March 4, 2008 at 2:43 pm (Contemplative Living, Maturing in Christ, Misc.)

guitar

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I survived my first “gig” leading worship with my guitar. [I've spent a lot of time practicing and little time writing lately.]

I’m happy (and surprised) to report that no one covered their ears or walked out. Aside from that I can’t say much more about my guitar playing; only that despite the occasional missed chord and somewhat awkward strumming patterns we actually worshiped Jesus and in the end that’s all that matters.

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Learning to play the guitar has been a good experience. Along with giving me greater empathy for Claire whenever she struggles to learn a new skill in her schoolwork it has done something for my spirit. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it until last night.

Our parish mission is going on this week. Father Malley is teaching a series on the Theology of Beauty and focusing on the mystics. Toward the end of last night’s session he referenced a book on contemplative prayer that talked about practical ways to develop contemplative prayer habits and to experience the beauty of God. Interestingly, one way he discussed was learning to play an instrument and surrounding ourselves with the beauty of music. That’s when I had one of those light bulb moments.

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The last couple of months have been challenging for me. Actually the last year has been somewhat emotionally exhausting. Just to clarify, I’m not in ”dire” circumstances of any kind. I have much for which to be grateful; I am fortunate in that my children are healthy, my marriage is securely intact and all of our physical needs are more than taken care of. But even still, there have been enough waves in our life lately that it seems like just when I get my head above water another wave engulfs me.

In the midst of all this “stuff” my friend Tina challenged me to learn to play the guitar so that I could lead music for some meetings and a women’s retreat this spring. I’m a deadline driven person (a euphemism for ”procrastinator”) and this was just the thing I needed to force me to finally learn how to play; I’ve been picking up the guitar off and on for about 6 years now without much progress.

I don’t think Tina knew just how God would use this. [Then again, maybe she did; six years ago someone put her in the exact same position as she's put me in.]

Learning to play the guitar has been a welcomed distraction from some of the harder things going on in my life. But more than that, practicing the guitar and playing worship music forces me to contemplate Him more. It requires that I spend more time praising Him with my heart and less time trying to figure things out with my head. Sometimes I can get so stuck in my head analyzing things. For me this is not a good thing. On the days when I’ve been ”stuck” and felt like doing nothing I’ve forced myself to pick up the guitar and sing and cry out to Him. This gift of music has been healing for my soul. 

So, here I am, 38 years old, finally learning to play. And receiving a cool fringe benefit for my soul and my relationship with God. [Thanks for helping to stretch me Tina. Once again I'm blessed by your friendship.]

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Question for you today…

In what ways can you slow down today and spend more time contemplating Him with your heart?

 

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