Ouch!

October 26, 2007 at 5:37 pm (Uncategorized)

It’s said that the following prayer was prayed over Henri Nouwen by his spiritual director.

 May all your expectations be frustrated.
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness.
That you may experience the powerlessness and the poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.

Amen

Ouch!

I don’t think I like this prayer much. In fact, I think if I asked someone to pray for me and they prayed this prayer I’d probably say, “thanks but no thanks.” Nope, my flesh doesn’t like this prayer at all. Probably because what it’s really about is complete self-abandonment.

Self-abandonment: It’s only when we have surrendered ourselves, our resources, our plans and our expectations that we are free; free to depend completely on Him, free to dance and sing before Him and to love and serve Him no matter the circumstances. 

I have so far to go when it comes to abandoning my will and seeking only after His; when it comes to abandoning my plans, my desires, my expectation and my needs and becoming poor in Spirit. But I know that when I am broken, poor and at the end of myself it is then that I begin to identify with Jesus and His Kingdom.

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of God. Matthew 5:3

In what ways do you need to abandon yourself today, tomorrow and next week so that you can become like a child– poor, weak and completely dependent on Him?

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While I was away…

October 25, 2007 at 12:03 am (Uncategorized)

I was out-of-town serving on a women’s retreat last week. Now I’m catching up with life.

While catching up on household tasks I’ve been processing a few things I heard in some talks given on the weekend. These talks were given by several women and a couple of men who love Jesus. Here are a few of their comments I wrote down (some are paraphrased in my own words)…

  • We can’t be so quick to blame every difficulty or bad circumstance on Satan. A lot of the time difficult circumstances in my life are the result of my own flesh and sinfulness and choices I made.

Boy, ain’t that the truth! Satan is often an easy scapegoat when we don’t want to own up or take time to examine our own sinful behaviors. This is especially true when we don’t want to dig deep and find the root of our sin.  Satan may provide the temptation (just like he did with Jesus) but we are the ones who choose to act on his lies or not.

  • What Satan meant for evil in our lives God can turn into glory for his kingdom.

Ok, this one might seem like a contradiction to the first but it’s not.  The enemy lies to me and to others. He hopes we’ll act on these lies. His intent is for sin, for evil. But God can take even the devastating effects of evil in this world and turn it into glory for His Kingdom.  Isaiah 61: 3 –He can make beauty from ashes, provide the oil of gladness instead of mourning, a garment of praise instead of despair. I’m clinging to this one right now.

  • He is able to make something broken into something beautiful.

I’m  holding on to this truth too.

  • Sometimes we need to hear the tough stuff. And sometimes God delivers that tough stuff through sisters who hold us accountable to living in grace.

This one made me grateful for some special friends I have who aren’t afraid to speak the truth in love into my life.

  • Holy Spirit, help me to be the husband and man of God that she needs me to be.

Of course, I would reword this…Lord help me to be the wife and woman of God that Scott needs me to be. I would also add, ”Lord help me to be the mother Claire and Ella need me to be.” I need to pray this one several times a day.

That’s it for the moment. Now it’s time to catch up on the laundry.

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Surrender = Freedom

October 11, 2007 at 12:42 am (Dying to Self, Freedom in Christ, Jesus, Maturing in Christ, Surrendering, die to self)

white flag

 If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my journey with Jesus it is this, having a faith in Christ requires a faith in the ”paradoxical.” 

It’s in giving that we receive.

It’s in dying that we live.

It’s in being last that we are first.

Perhaps the greatest paradox for me has been learning that true freedom comes through surrender.

Surrender=Freedom

It’s an equation that woudn’t make sense in a fox hole during a battle and yet in my battle against the flesh, against sin, against the enemy and this fallen world it makes perfect sense.

***

I was in my early twenties when I first started to learn this truth. Before that time I thought I’d surrendered everything to Jesus but I really didn’t have a clue. Yes, I loved Him and I knew Him but there was so much I had to learn about true surrender and true freedom. And there still is more I need to learn.

While I was in graduate school at LSU in Baton Rouge I was discipled by a woman name Dean. (By the way, how ’bout that game on Saturday against the Gators…Go Tigers!) Sorry I just couldn’t resist. Now, where was I?…Oh yes…

Dean  taught me some hard truth about surrendering. She taught me that one of my biggest obstacles to freedom was clinging to my rights.

We live in a “rights” based society. In our country we stake our claim to freedom and we do this by asserting our rights. It’s all about my right to this or my right to that and how we are entitled to this or entitled to that. 

This is the “economy” of our society and politics. And yet not surprisingly in God’ economy this is not so. No, in order to be free from my flesh and my sin, I must not cling to my rights but instead I must surrender them. Here are a few examples…

  • If you want to be free from worrying about what others think about you then surrender your right to a good reputation to God.  
  •  If you want to be free from having to be to be liked by others then surrender your right to be accepted and loved by others.
  • If you want to be free from anxiety over trials and suffering in your life then surrender your right to have “pleasant circumstances.”
  • If you want to be free from having to have the last word then surrender your right to be heard.
  • If you want to be free from being defenive then surrender your right to take offense.
  • If you want to be free from striving after “things” then surrender your right to possessions

We all have rights we cling to. This list of “rights” is endless.

Here are a few more to consider. Which ones do you cling to?

The right to be successful…

The right to presume on the will of God…

The right to beauty or strength…

The right to have friends…

The right to be right… 

The right to avoid reaping what you sow… (ouch!)

The right to see results…

*** 

The more I learned about this surrendering your rights thing the more I realized how “bound up” I was in my flesh and in what I thought I had a right to in this life and in my relationships. “My rights” had me so chained to myself. I was not free to love Jesus and others the way I was created to love.

To this day, when I find myself struggling in my flesh, anxious over something or someone, or in general not thinking and responding in spirit, truth and love I can usually trace it to some right or expectation I’m clinging to.  And I can usually hear the Holy Spirit telling me to surrender.

When your “rights” are challenged how do you react? Do you find yourself coping in the flesh? Does your “proverbial” back straighten? Is there a “how dare she or he” attitude that creeps into your voice or and actions. Perhaps you turn, run and hide.  Whatever your flesh patterns may be, freedom from your flesh requires surrendering all your rights to God. It truly is a paradox.

The more I surrender, the more free I am. And the more free I am the more I can live and love like my Jesus. And that is what this journey with Him is all about.

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My Story, Part 9: Who Canonized Scripture?

October 3, 2007 at 11:49 pm (Canonization of Scripture, Catholic, Catholicism, Church History, Reformed Theology, Scripture Alone, Sola Scriptura, catholic convert)

[This is the continuation of my story about how God brought Scott and me to the Catholic Church. To catch up on our journey see "My Story" page] 

***

Bible

I think it was in January of 2002 that Scott and I began to dig deeper into church history. Our journey back into history was the final blow to our faith in the doctrine of Sola Scriptura. It was clear to us that the early church did not rely on nor teach this doctrine.  And yet this was one of the bedrock beliefs of the reformed church we attended and most of the Protestant churches we visited. We hadn’t yet told our pastor we were leaving but we knew now more than ever that we couldn’t stay where we were. This left us wondering more and more where we belonged.

There is a quote by Cardinal John Henry Newman, a well known 19th century English convert to the Catholic Church, that explains why we felt so out of place.

 “To become deep in history is to cease to be Protestant.”

Although we never would have said that we weren’t Protestants—after all, we were still protesting a great deal about the Catholic Church in our debates with my parents–our study of early church history raised more questions than ever about the Protestant beliefs we’d accepted for all our lives.

***

We studied numerous subjects at one time. I was so eager to find answers. One Sunday we debated baptism with my parents over dinner which sent us on a in depth study of baptism (more on that later). Over another Sunday dinner we talked about communion. These two debates with my parents caused us to read a book that challenged my thinking on these two sacraments, Crossing the Tiber: Evangelicals Discover the Historical Church, by Stephen Ray.  

The title of this book didn’t thrill me but Scott and I read the book anyway. Note:  “Crossing the Tiber” is a phrase commonly used to describe becoming Roman Catholic. The Tiber River is near Vatican City and if one is on the other side of the river opposite of the Vatican they must cross the Tiber to get there. The phrase is a reference to the spiritual journey one makes when becoming Roman Catholic. 

The book was full of Biblical, historical and early church references as well as references to contemporary theologians and Bible scholars. And reading it was timely because as we studied baptism and communion as it was taught in the early church God also had us studying the history of the canonization of scripture in the early church. Both paths of study were eye-opening.

*** 

The short version of what I learned about the history of the canonization of scripture is this:

After years of discussion, debate and discernment there were 73 books accepted as the New and Old Testaments. Influenced by the Council of Rome, in 382 A.D., Pope Damasus gave a decree listing the 73 Old and New Testament Books of the Bible. In 393 A.D. the Council of Hippo canonized those same 73 books. In 397, the Council of Carthage approved the same 73 books of scripture. In 405 A.D. Pope St. Innoncent I approved the same 73 books and closed the canon of scripture.

While this is a very condensed and simplified paragraph on the history of the canonization of Scripture it speaks volumes.

  •  First, it was men, leaders of the early church, who met and under the guidance of the Holy Spirit determined which books of the Bible were inspired and then put the books together and canonized it as Sacred Scripture. An important fact.

  • Second, the fact that the church looked to Popes as leaders of the church revealed the early church and its councils were indeed Catholic in terms of its leadership. (Our study of baptism and communion in the early church revealed the church was truly Catholic in its doctrines as well but I’ll get into that later.)  

The logical conclusion was this:

  •  It was the Catholic Church and its leaders who were led by the Holy Spirit to put the Bible together and canonize it as Scripture.

This was not a conclusion that worked in my “theological worldview.” In fact, it left me questioning what I’d been taught about the early Catholic Church.

[Next installment: How did an “apostate” church give us the canon of Scripture? This reformed Protestant reconsiders what she believes about the history of the early Catholic Church.] 

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Step of Faith

October 1, 2007 at 2:32 am (Uncategorized)

blue white for sale  

Anyone want to buy a house in the beautiful Sunshine State? If so, have I got a deal for you…

Yep our house is for sale. It’s been on the market for a while but we only recently put a sign in the yard. My sweet Claire didn’t like it when the sign went up. It was then that she realized that someone might actually buy the house and we’d have to move.

Move where? Good question.

When people ask us where we’ll go and what we are planning next I just say, “I don’t know.” Which makes me laugh because Scott and I are “planners” by nature.

We are planners without a plan. Yep, I just have to laugh at God’s sense of humor. 

We don’t have a firm idea as to what God wants us to do. All we know is that God has been leading us for a while to put the house on the market. Of course, this doesn’t make much sense given that the housing market is in such terrible shape these days. And it’s not like Scott doesn’t know this, afterall he does work in the mortgage industry.

We can only wonder about God’s timing.

Even while we wonder I have to say I am excited to see what God has in store for us. He may or may not let this house sell. He may tell us to take it off the market. Then again it may sell at the next showing.

Who knows?

We really don’t know.

But that’s ok because it wouldn’t be a step of faith if we did.

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