A Tradition and a Mission, part two

August 30, 2007 at 11:52 am (Traditions)

When I returned from that weekend retreat I prayed often for my students. One day I felt like God was leading me to start writing notes of encouragement to each team member before each tournament.  I have to admit I struggled with this at first. I think my response to God went something like this,

“God are you sure? Is this really the way you want me to “love” them? I have mounds of papers to grade, red tape travel paperwork to complete and lectures to write. Ten notes to ten very different students, some of which are so cynical, what in the world will I write to them?  Will it even make a difference? Are you sure this a good use of my time?

He was sure. And so I wrote. I usually wrote in the wee hours of the morning after a long night of grading papers and a very long van ride to one of the tournament destinations (which if you recall was not a way to endear them to my heart). God was not making this “call to love” easy on me.

*** 

I remember the first time I wrote these notes and handed them out. I didn’t really know what to expect. I was just being faithful to what I believed God wanted me to do. I gathered the team together before they started their rounds of competition and handed out their notes. A few looked at me with puzzled faces as they took their notes–not quite sure what to make of this.

“Read them whenever you have a chance,” I said. 

Most of them were too busy cramming source citations into their brains or memorizing their scripts to read them before the first round so they stuffed them in their backpacks and went their separate ways.

The first day of the tournament went by and I’d actually forgotten about the notes, then on Saturday one of the students found me on a break between rounds. “Lucy” was your classic perfectionist who hated to fail at anything. Consequently she was a hard student to coach and encourage because she had a difficult time getting past her mistakes. When Lucy approached me she informed me that she just had the worst round of competition ever. I braced myself and waited for the fallout. I’d never been able to get Lucy to see that her worth and value were not tied up in one round of competition or the results of a tournament or the approval of others. Her sense of peace and confidence was so dependent upon her performance and what others thought of her. I was ready for her to have a good cry or tell me she wanted to drop from this event, her typical mode of operation, but she didn’t. As she walked away I asked,

“Are you ok with everything?”

Her reply made my day. 

“I wasn’t at first but when I left the round I read your note and it put everything into perspective.”   

If that had been the only impact of any of the notes that God let me see it would have been all I needed. A simple note, who would have thought?  God gave me a glimpse of what He would do if I yielded my will and let Him love these students through me.

*** 

Lucy’s comment gave me the inspiration to continue with the note-writing. As this tradition took hold I was amazed by the change in the environment. The stormy climate became a little more peaceful. The bickering and debating didn’t cease altogether but there was definitely a more supportive tone among the students. Even those students who were normally at each other’s throats eased up on each other. I have to say that I was even more patient too.

After one tournament one of more cynical students told me that he read his note before each round of competition. I almost fell over when I heard that. I learned recently that the Latin root of the word encouragment is “cor” which means heart. God had used these notes of encouragement to reach this guy’s cynical heart. A simple note, who would have thought?

Over time the notes became a tradition the students looked forward to and expected. I realized just how much this tradition meant the first time I failed to have their notes ready at the beginning of one of our tournaments. I gathered the team together before the tournament started. When I finished giving them some final instructions and a few encouraging words I sent them on their way. But they just stood there staring at me. I was clueless until one of the students spoke up.

“Where are our notes?”

I’d completely forgotten. I’d written half of them two days before but fell asleep in my hotel room and never finished them. (Not one of my greatest moments as their coach)

“We’re gonna’ try something new.” I said. “I’ll have them for you tomorrow.”

Ok, not too bad of a save on my part. However, by the looks on their faces you would have thought I’d forgotten to give them their food stipend for the weekend (a very important thing to a poor starving college student). It was then that I realized this little note-writing tradition had taken on significance and meaning to them as individuals and to us as a team. This simple tradition united us together. But more than that, God had used this tradition to soften a cynic’s heart, to help a perfectionist realize she didn’t have to be perfect and to help me, an often selfish and task focused teacher and coach,  remember what my real mission was at work.

*** 

Some traditions or rituals are only for a season. As it was in this case (or so I thought).

I kept up this tradition for two more years. After I gave birth to my first daughter I decided to stay home. I kept in touch with some of the students who were still at the college. During the spring I went to see some of them perform on campus. They told me all about their most recent tournaments and introduced me to some of their new team members. Then one of them said,

“You’ll never guess what we’ve been doing.”

I laughed and said half jokingly, “do I really want to know?”

“Yeah, you do… We’ve kept up that tradition you started. You know, the one with the notes… Some of us old team members get together and write notes for the new team members before their tournaments. They think it’s really cool.”

He was right, I never would have guessed. 

A simple note…a simple tradition…who would have thought?

2 Comments

A Tradition and a Mission

August 29, 2007 at 7:03 pm (Traditions)

This is the first in a series of “Tuesday’s Tradition” posts (except it’s Wednesday, I know).

This tradition takes a little history and background… 

***

Imagine 10 college students ages 18-22 packed into a van on a loooonnnnnggggg roadtrip. Sounds delightful, right? Ok, let’s add a few ingredients, these 10 co-eds are made up of speech, debate and oral interpretation competitors (the latter group is basically a group of thesbians). These less than shy students will spend the next 8 hours on the road weighing in (arguing and debating) on just about every topic known to man (religion, politics, art, education, money, entertainment). And rest assured each one has an opinion to offer. Not so delightful.

This was my life as a speech and debate coach for our local college back in 1998 BC (Before Children). 

That year’s team was particularly challenging. We had a diverse mix of students (personalities, belief systems, ages). The climate on this team was stormy; lots of “unofficial” debating going on and some difficult personalities to manage. Of course, I had a role to play in that stormy environment too. I just didn’t see it at the time. At the end of that year I re-negotiated the compensation I received for coaching as a result of the time and effort it took to coach and teach a full load of classes.

The day I asked for and received some additional compensation for coaching was the same day I left for a three day women’s retreat. God’s divine aid in my life was about to become very clear; the compensation kept me from making a decision in the flesh to give up my coaching duties altogether and the retreat would serve to remind me of why I was coaching in the first place. It turns out that God wasn’t done working on me as a coach and he wasn’t finished with that team.

On that retreat God made it clear to me that I’d lost my focus at work. I wasn’t just there to teach, I was there “to love.” Work had become well, “work.” And the students I worked with on the team had become people to manage instead of creations of God that I was called to love.  While on the retreat God reminded me of my “mission” and that’s what started a team tradition that would change not only the environment of this group but would also change me…

[Tomorrow: The tradition begins...]

2 Comments

Off to a great start…

August 29, 2007 at 12:47 am (Uncategorized)

So much for today’s tradition. I was up at 5:00 for my accountability group this morning and I’m too tired to write tonight…I’ll try again for tomorrow. Tuesday’s Tradition on Wednesday…Such great intentions.

Leave a Comment

A Praying Mom

August 27, 2007 at 2:36 pm (Perseverance, Prayer, Saints, motherhood)

Today is the feast day of St. Monica (332-387).

For those of faith traditions that do not celebrate feast days, do not fear, we are not worshiping saints on these days. Feast days of the saints commemorate the lives of brothers and sisters in Christ who loved Jesus and led lives of Godly example for others to follow. A saint’s feast day often falls on their birthday, so you can look at it like we’re celebrating this family member’s birthday, celebrating the gift they are to the family of God and the lives they lived for Jesus.

St. Monica was the mother of St. Augustine (a well known theologian of the Christian faith in the early church). I’d never heard of Monica prior to becoming Catholic but since learning of her she’s become one of my heroes. What we know of her comes primarily from the writings of Augustine himself. She was from a devout Catholic family. As a young woman she was given in marriage to a pagan who would not allow her to baptize their children. What is often admired about Monica was her great faith and perseverance in prayer for her family, especially her unbelieving husband (who became a believer in Christ on his deathbed) and her “partying and carousing” son, Augustine. Yep, good ole’ St. Augustine was a prodigal son, so to speak.

Monica prayed for 20 years for her son to leave behind his worldly ways and become a follower of Christ. For a period of time she even forbade him to live with her because of his lifestyle and his belief in the popular Manichaeism heresy of the times; he was known for his illicit affairs and had a mistress who mothered his child. Sounds like she had to put some tough love into action with Augustine. In the meantime, she fasted and prayed continually and wept many tears for her son, all the while dealing with an unbelieving husband who, as the story goes, had a violent temper (Monica suffered a great amount of abuse in her marriage).

Twenty years… It would have been easy to give up hope. I can only imagine how heartbroken she must have been with her son’s worldly ways. How torn she must have been to have a grandchild that she might not have seen very often because of her tough love for her son. How frustrated she must have been to see him using his God-given intelligence to espouse beliefs that were contrary to the truth of the Christian faith. In spite of it all, she persisted in prayer for her son. I have to say that I’ve been praying for some people in my life for a lot less time and sometimes I lack perseverance and faithfulness or I feel like giving up because it seems to me they are never going to turn to Christ as their one and only source of life.

Monica persevered and God answered her prayers in ways she never dreamed. At 29 Augustine moved to Rome. As the story goes, he ”outwitted” his mother (hmmm, another word for fooled or deceived) and left for Rome at a time when he knew she wouldn’t be able to follow him. Gee, he sounds like a real loveable and likeable son so far. Monica however, never gave up. She too went to Rome and then to Milan where Augustine was living. While in Milan both Augustine and Monica developed a relationship with Bishop Ambrose, a true leader for Christ. I imagine Monica was thrilled and felt like her son’s relationship with Bishop Ambrose was an answer to her prayers. Makes me think about praying even now for the people my girls will befriend in the future and the influence these people will have over them. 

Eventually Augustine gave up following the heresy of Manichaeism, gave up the illicit relationship with his mistress and became a believer of the Christian faith. He then chose to be celibate and devoted his life to the service of God and the Church. I’m thinking Monica was beside herself at this point; on the one hand thanking God and on the other thinking, “why’d it have to take so long Lord?’ Augustine would later go on to use his considerable intelligence and teaching skills for the faith and become a celebrated saint of the Church.

When I read about Monica, I’m inspired to pray a little harder and a little longer for those I love. One of my prayers has been that the Lord will make me a holy vessel of his love and grace to my husband and children. And, that he’ll make my family a holy family so that we are more like Jesus and we can be a light and testimony of God’s love and power to those around us. This prayer has not come without sacrifice. St. Monica knew what sacrificing and suffering for her family meant. She’s an example of a Godly wife and mother who faithfully prayed for and loved her family. And she was blessed to see the fruit of her faithfulness.

I want to be like that kind of praying mom.

1 Comment

Tuesday’s Tradition

August 26, 2007 at 10:24 pm (Family Traditions)

I love traditions, all kinds of traditions…family traditions, faith traditions, relationship traditions, holiday traditions. There’s something about traditions that bring us together and unite our hearts, minds and spirits.  Traditions give meaning to our lives in ways that are sometimes hard to describe. Some traditions are small but very purposeful rituals that are rich with meaning; words or the intellect can’t fully explain how they touch us and the place they reach in our souls. Other traditions are temporary or for a season but their impact on our lives is lasting and forever etched in our memories. Still other traditions or rituals are seemingly small and insignificant but they knit our hearts with someone else. Or, they bring a sense of order or peacefulness to our days, weeks or years. Or, they some simply make us smile.

Whether traditions or rituals are intentionally birthed and maintained or whether they informally evolve and unknowingly become a part of the fabric of our lives, they abound in our everyday lives. And because I love them and because I love hearing about them from other people I’ve decided to make Tuesdays all about traditions. Hence the name of this post, ”Tuesday’s Tradition.” I have no idea how long I’ll keep it up. Nor how consistent I’ll be (life has a way of interrupting my plans to write). I’m hoping to end up with a record of my favorite traditions and rituals to inspire my girls when they are older. Maybe my handful of friends who read this blog will help me out and share some of the traditions and rituals (big and small) that give meaning to their lives. Maybe I’ll be inspired by some of you to introduce a new tradition to my life. Maybe someone else will be inspired to do the same.

So, stay tuned for Tuesday’s Tradition…

Leave a Comment

Part VIII: History and “MyStory”

August 24, 2007 at 1:03 am (Bible, Canonization of Scripture, Church History, Reformation, Reformed Theology, Scripture Alone, catholic converts)

[This is the continuation of my story about how God led me to the Catholic faith. See "my story" page for previous installments.] 

I continued to read the book ”Surprised by Truth” with its testimonies of converts and “re-verts” to the Catholic faith. Scott read it too. Their stories challenged us. Neither of us had ever heard of Protestants converting to the Catholic faith. Of course we knew plenty of “ex” Catholics who said they left the Catholic Church and “got saved,” but the converse was just something I’d never considered. One evening Scott made a good point when he said, “how would we have ever heard of converts to the Catholic faith, its not like Protestant pastors are going to parade them in front of their congregations?”

We would learn later that in recent years an average of 200,000 American adults have been received into the Catholic faith each year. At least half of those joining the Catholic Church each year are Christians who were baptized in Protestant faith traditions. This was news that confounded me.  And yet, as I read these testimonies there was something familiar in these stories. Many of these converts were just like us, they were “Bible believing” Christians who were searching and asking some of the very same questions we were asking about scripture, interpretation, authority and truth.

Meanwhile, reminded of my father’s challenge to find out just how we know the books of the Bible are the inspired word of God, Scott and I began to look into church history. Our coffee table and living room was soon covered with research from the internet, several versions of the Bible, three volumes of The Faith of the Early Fathers, some of my favorite Reformed theology books and one or two books written by Catholic converts. We spent our evenings reading and discussing the things we were studying. As I look back on it now I realize how grateful I am that Scott and I were on the same page and on this journey together.

Diving into church history was both an exciting and scary descent. I suppose that in some ways I thought I knew enough about the history of the Christian faith. I’d embraced Reformed theology with such certainty. You would have thought I’d known a lot about the history of the church and especially the Protestant faith but the truth was I knew very little. I was raised as a Protestant. I never questioned nor really studied the history of the Reformation for myself. I was taught to believe in “scripture alone” but I’d never really studied the place of this doctrine in church history or in the Bible. I was taught the Bible was the inspired word of God. But, I never questioned how we knew this to be true; at least not until my father’s challenge.

So the question was: Where did we get the Bible from? The easy answer, the Holy Spirit inspired men to write it. The harder question and answer: How do we know that the books in the Bible are the inspired word of God? As I searched for an answer to this question I learned a few things about church history.  

During the first few centuries of the church there were numerous writings floating around. Some of which were the writings we now accept as the books of the New Testament. It wasn’t until the latter part of the fourth century that the New Testament as we know it was canonized. Up until then there were different collections of writings used throughout the universal church. Some of these collections included some or most of the books of the New Testament as well as writings that were not canonized as Scripture. Until the New Testament was canonized there were questions about which writings were apostolic and inspired by God. This means that for 300 plus years no one knew for sure which of these writings were actually “scripture?” 

These facts alone started to make me think. If the New Testament was not canonized until the latter part of the fourth century then that means for more than 300 years after the death and resurrection of Jesus, the church survived without knowing the exact books of the New Testament. Actually, it did more than survive, it grew and it thrived and its members did this without the Bible as we know it today. This begs a lot of questions for a person who spent her life believing the church and its members should rely on “scripture alone.” I could easily explain this growth during the lifetime of the Apostles but what about after they died? 

I was taught that the Bible alone was our authority but if that’s the case then after the last Apostle died how did the church survive without an authoritative New Testament. I was taught that you should go and search the Scriptures alone in order to make sure you were being taught the truth. But if the Christians of the second, third and fourth century didn’t have the Apostles and they couldn’t go and “search” the Scriptures (because a complete set of Scripture did not exist) then how did they know that truth was being taught? I’d already seen what the claim of personal interpretation via the Holy Spirit had done to the Protestant faith. So, a simple answer of “the Holy Spirit” led each individual just didn’t work for me. A brief examination of this time in history already revealed numerous disputes over doctrines and heresies. Without a Bible, how could someone be sure they weren’t following false doctrine and teaching? Of course, this pre-supposes that if there had been a complete canon of Scripture for those 300 years that everyone would have access to a copy and would be able to read it– not a good assumption to make of a period in time when most people were illiterate and there was no printing press in order to mass produce copies of the books of the Bible. All of this made me wonder. How did the church grow, thrive and survive without the Apostles and without scripture alone as its final authority?  

Obviously, if there wasn’t a complete Bible, then the church and its members did not rely on the Bible alone as its only authority during the first few centuries. I went looking for an answer to “how do we know the books of the Bible are the inspired word of God” and I ended up once again face to face with the fact that “scripture alone” is an untenable doctrine.  For centuries the early church survived without the Bible alone as well as without the Apostles there to lead them. But if not the Bible alone and without the Apostles, then what or who did the early church rely on as their authority on truth?  

One question had led us to another. We were about to find ourselves knee deep in church history.

I remember during this time talking with a friend of mine. He couldn’t understand our desire to examine the early church history. During one of our conversations he said something like, “Amy, we have the Bible, we have the Holy Spirit and we know Jesus, that’s all we need. The early church and the way they did things really doesn’t matter.”   I thought a lot about this comment as I studied. But I couldn’t get away from the fact that church history does matter. The Bible my friend is so quick to quote in support of his beliefs came from church history, it came to us through the family of God, generations and generations ago. How could that not be important and relevant to my beliefs and my walk with Christ.

A close friend of mine has recently been talking about “generations” and how the choices of past generations impact us and how our choices will impact generations to come. In light of what she has shared with me I think if I could respond to my friend who challenged me when I first started this journey I would tell him this:

To say that church history isn’t relevant to my life is akin to saying my family and the generations that came before and will come after are of no relevance, no importance or no consequence to my life. The history of the early church, and the choices made by its leaders as well as the choices the leaders of the Protestant Reformation made have impacted the family of God and I’m a part of that family. It’s as much a part of “My Story” as it is a part of history.

I couldn’t articulate that back then but I think that somewhere deep inside I knew that going back and studying history and the previous generations of the Christian faith would bring me the answers I needed as I asked the Holy Spirit to lead me into all truth.

[To be continued...]

1 Comment

July

August 13, 2007 at 12:20 am (Maturing in Christ)

July was a challenging month. August is proving to have its challenges too. I could use a number of other descriptive words to paint a picture of what the past month was like but I recently read something by Henri Nouwen that made me reconsider how I might describe the harder moments of my life during the last month. 

Hope that grows out of trust puts us in a different relationship to the hours and days of our lives…We see how the events of this year are not just a series of incidents and accidents, happy or unhappy, but the molding hands of God, who wants us to grow and mature…Even while life continues to seem harried, while it continues to have hard moments, we say, “Something good is happening amid all this.” We get glimpses of how God might be working out his purposes in our days. Time becomes not just something to get through or to manipulate or manage, but the arena of God’s work with us. Whatever happens—good things or bad, pleasant or problematic—we look and ask, “What might God be doing here?” We see the events of the day as continuing occasions to change the heart. [Taken from Turn My Mourning into Dancing by Henri Nouwen]

I like the way Nouwen puts it…”while [life] continues to have hard moments we [can] say, “Something good is happening amid all of this…we [can] look and ask, “What might God be doing here?” 

I can see the hand of God at work in Scott and me during the last month. There are moments when I wonder why certain things had to “go down” the way they did. But I choose to trust our Father and wait patiently for the “hope that grows out of trust.” 

So, July was challenging. August and September might be too. But God is bigger than July, August and September and the months that will follow. In the meantime, I will choose to look for His hand at work in each event and see them as occasions to grow and mature in His love.

Romans 8:28 –And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have called according to His purpose

1 Comment

My Story, Part VII

August 10, 2007 at 7:31 pm (Scripture Alone, Sola Scriptura, Truth, catholic convert)

[This is the continuation of my story about how God led Scott and me to the Catholic faith. You can catch up on previous installments by looking on "my story" page. ]

PART VII:  

It’s hard to know exactly where to go next with our story. Once I admitted to myself that the doctrine of sola scriptura was not a doctrine found in the Bible and after seeing firsthand the contradictions in “truth” that arise because of this doctrine, I felt like my head and heart were spinning. I had so many theological questions floating in my head. Doctrines I was once sure of I began to question; asking myself, how do I know if the interpretations of scripture that I’d been taught were right?  Along with all of these theological questions came a sense of not belonging anywhere and being “unsettled.”

Prior to leaving the reformed church, there was a part of me that thought we would always end up attending a Calvary Chapel fellowship. I loved the worship music and felt comfortable with their fellowship and style of teaching. I’m quite certain that a part of me was hoping our visit to that church on that Sunday would somehow bring an end to our questions. I’m not sure how I thought this would happen. I think I just wanted it to be easy to find a new church home and settle in. But after that Sunday I knew it wasn’t going to be “that simple.” God was making it clear that there is much more to choosing a church than the my preferences for music, fellowship and the teaching style. It was becoming clear that God was going to require more of us on this journey. And because this was a journey it meant we were traveling and we weren’t really going to feel at home anywhere. At this point in the journey I remember feeling very lonely.

Although Scott and I were on this journey together (something for which I am very grateful) we were also on this journey alone. The questions we were asking about scripture alone and other doctrines were not questions we’d ever heard our friends ask. When we brought them up many of our friends couldn’t identify with our need to find answers. Some of our friends just thought we were going through a phase (kind of like a teenage rebellion) and we would eventually pass through it and end up right where they were. A few of those friends worried that our questioning was a sign that we were somehow being deceived in our study. There were others who said we were only on this journey because of my parents; suggesting I was unable to disagree with my parents or go against anything they did. My parents only wish that had been true; their lives would have been much easier and peaceful. Of course the implication that I somehow had a ring in Scott’s nose and I could make him do anything simply because I had to follow my parents and do what they were doing was kind of funny. Anyone who knows Scott knows he’s just as strong-willed, stubborn and out-spoken as I am (perhaps even more so).

Some of our friends told us “these things don’t matter, all that matters is our common belief in Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection.” I totally understand the heart behind this perspective and know that to some extent it must be embraced when it comes to ecumencial settings. But, I couldn’t embrace it when it came to choosing a church and raising my children in the faith. Doctrine matters to me, to some degree it always had. Jesus came and instituted baptism. My head and heart can’t help but ask “why?” If it’s only about a faith in Jesus then why did he tell us to be baptized? What does baptism mean? Is is just a symbol or was there something more happening in this act of faith. The same thing applies to Holy Communion and a myriad of other theological issues. A few friends tried to engage in our quest for answers but backed off because somehow our desire to know was too “divisive.” Basically they told us any discussion about our journey was off limits. For the most part, we were on our own in this search for “truth,” God’s will and a church to call home. It was a very lonely time.

It was especially lonely for me. I’d just resigned my teaching position at the local community college in order to stay at home with our firstborn, Claire. I was adjusting to being home with a baby; letting go of my identity as a professional and embracing my role as a new mom. We’d just left a community of believers that had loved us and poured out so much support when our daughter was born. Sadly, many of the women in the Bible study I taught were no longer a part of my life.  I missed them and I missed having a place to “belong.”

During this time I remember visiting my mom and finally conceding that indeed the doctrine of scripture alone was flawed at its best and unbiblical at its worst. Those who truly know me and my sometimes (ok, often) prideful heart, know that this was a humbling moment for me. Admitting that I’d been wrong about such an important doctrine was a hard thing to do. But when it came down to it, my pride was not what mattered; what mattered was “truth.” In light of this, how could I not humble myself and admit that despite all the time I’d spent studying the Bible as a teen, young adult and as a woman in her thirties I’d been wrong about such an important doctrinal matter. It was, for me, a humiliating admission.

This admission left Scott and me with some serious  questions to which we needed answers. If the Bible does not teach that the Bible alone is the final authority on matters of faith and morals then what or who is? If individual, private interpretation of the Word alone is not where and how we come up with doctrinal truth then how do we know what truth is?

While at my parents house that day I picked up a book from their kitchen counter called “Surprised by Truth” (Edited by Patrick Madrid).  It was a compilation of testimonies from converts and “re-verts” to the Catholic Church. The title caught my attention because well, “truth” was the very issue with which we were struggling. But the subtitle, “…converts and re-verts share the historical and Biblical reasons for becoming Catholic,” made my stomach turn. At this point the Catholic Church wasn’t even a blip on our radar screen. I was still inclined to think it was a church based on legalistic doctrines and erroneous beliefs. Which is why Scott and I continued to actively engage my parents in arguments as to why they should not become Catholic. After reading the subtitle I was ready to put the book down but something in me couldn’t and before I knew what I was saying I asked my mom if I could take it home and look it over.

As a mother of a three month old child I had plenty of time to read and study. In this regard the timing of this journey was just right for me. Had I still been teaching as well as coaching and traveling with the speech and debate team at the college I don’t know that I would have had the time to study the way I needed to. During Claire’s frequent naps I would sit on the couch and read portions of these testimonies. The book in one hand and my Bible in another. Any time a scripture was referenced I would look it up and carefully scrutinize the author’s interpretation of scripture and use of scripture to defend their belief. It was a long and tedious process.

With each testimony I read I was confronted with reasonable historical and scriptural support for Catholic doctrine. Although I knew in my head that scripture alone was not a valid argument for dismissing their beliefs I still struggled with this in my heart. It’s one thing to acknowledge something intellectually but quite another to embrace it in your heart and to apply it. That is how it was for me as I came to grips with the truth about the doctrine of scripture alone. Scripture alone had been a lifelong way of understanding my faith. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t logical or couldn’t be supported by the Bible; it was ingrained in my “theological worldview.”  And that’s not something that changes overnight. This was very apparent as I read these testimonies. 

More than a few times I read the testimonies and their Biblical arguments for certain Catholic doctrines through my “reformed theology lenses” and put the book down in disgust, thinking this is wrong. But deep inside the Holy Spirit was speaking to me,

“Amy, who are you to say the Catholic interpretation of scripture is wrong?…If you still believe in sola scriptura then you believe the Holy Spirit leads each individual to interpret scripture. So, how can you say you’re reformed view of scripture is “right” and they are wrong? What authority do you have to say this is or isn’t truth?

I responded to the Lord by saying, “but the Catholic Church can’t be right Lord. They believe things that aren’t even in Scripture.” And then the Holy Spirit hit me upside my head and heart with a two by four…”So do you Amy.” 

At that point the Lord brought to mind a passing converstaion I’d had with my father. It had to do with the books of the Bible and the canonization of scripture.  To the best of my recollection the conversation went something like this:

Dad: Amy, are you sure all of your Christians beliefs are based on the Bible alone.

Amy: Yes.

Dad: Ok, then tell me something, where in the Bible does it say that the letter to the Philippians written by Paul is inspired and should be considered as scripture?

Amy: Ah, come on Dad, we all know that Philippians is one of the books of the New Testament.

Dad: Yes, we do but tell me, how do we know this? For that matter, how do we know that the book of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are inspired and should be considered scripture?

Amy: Well, they’re inspired so they’re in the Bible. (I pretty much new this was circular reasoning but I didn’t have any other answer to give.)

Dad: Yes, they are inspired but can you show me anywhere in the Bible that these books claim to be the inspired Word of God? Can you show me where in all the writings of the Bible God inspired one of the authors to write down a  table of contents so that we would know which of the early church writings should become scripture? 

Amy: No. 

Dad: So, you believe that the books of the Bible are God inspired and should be considered scripture and yet a list of these books is no where to be found in scripture?

Amy: Yes (I said this with a bit of resignation)

Dad: So, this belief that the books of the Bible are the inspired Word of God is not based on anything you can find in scripture?

Amy: That’s correct. (I said this with even more resignation)

Dad: So, it’s safe to say your belief in the Bible is based on a tradition that has been handed down to you from men in the church. 

Amy: I suppose so. (Ugh, he used the “t” word.) 

Dad: Amy, do you know how the 66 books that you recognize as the Bible came to be considered scripture.

Amy: No. I guess I’ve never given it much thought. You and mom gave me a Bible and taught me it was the inspired Word of God.

Dad: I would encourage you to spend some time learning about the history of the Bible and how these writings, which were among numerous writings used by the early church, came to be called scripture.

End of conversation. 

That’s my dad. He’s never been one to tell you all the answers. I’d conveniently forgotten about the conversation. Probably because he pointed out that my belief in the Bible was based on tradition, the very standard by which I’d judged Catholics and the Catholic faith.

God used the recollection of this conversation and the testimonies I was reading to lead me to begin to study the history of the church. With the exception of reading the Bible and a small amount of exposure to the history of the Reformation, I’d never really given much thought to the history of the church, especially the early church. Obviously I’d never given thought to how the books of the Bible came to be called scripture. I most definitely never gave any thought to the fact that Bible was based on tradition. I new I needed to learn more. And so began my journey back into history of the Christian church…

2 Comments

My Story, Part VI (Knowing What and Why?)

August 9, 2007 at 2:45 am (Catholicism, Scripture Alone, Sola Scriptura, catholic converts)

[This is the continuation of my story about how God led Scott and me to the Catholic faith. You can catch up on previous installments by looking on "my story" page. ]

When I last wrote about my story Scott and I were starting to really have doubts about the doctrine of sola scriptura. However, in my typical stubborn fashion I wasn’t ready to admit this to my parents. Nor was I ready to fully let go of my belief in this doctrine. So, in our “friendly” Sunday dinner debates with my parents we challenged them with questions about what Catholics believed about baptism and salvation and other issues. Privately we kept studying sola scripture and the issue of “authority” when it came to interpretation of scripture.

Meanwhile we were visiting Protestant churches and looking for a new church home. As I look back on it now it seemed almost pointless because we had so many theological questions running through our heads.  How could we find a church until these questions were answered?

On one particular Sunday we drove 50 minutes to attend a Calvary Chapel fellowship (Calvary Chapel is a “non-denominational” church founded by Chuck Smith in California during the period of the “Jesus Movement.”) Interestingly, two things happened on that day that convinced us that we could not choose a church until we not only knew “what” we believed but also “why” we accepted it to be the truth.

During our drive to this church we listened to a series of debates between some leaders of the founding Calvary Chapel fellowship in California and some lay Catholics who were converts to the church. As we listened we found ourselves challenged by the Catholic interpretation of scripture. Neither of us had ever met a Catholic who could defend and explain their beliefs like these men. To be quite honest, I’d never met a Catholic who really knew scripture much  less one who could defend their beliefs with Biblical support. But these Catholic men were different. They not only knew scripture, they offered intepretations of scripture that were more than reasonable; in fact their interpretations of scripture cast reasonable doubt upon the anti-catholic arguments put forth by the Calvary Chapel leaders. Some of those anti-catholic arguments were ones that Scott and I had been taught and willingly accepted as truth. Of course, we were far from agreeing with the Catholic position but before getting out of the car I remember looking at Scott and saying, “wherever we end up it has to be a church that has clearly defined and consistent teaching of its theology.” 

As we arrived we were greeted by some close friends who attended this church. We settled into our seats to hear the sermon after a time of musical prasie and worship. One of the things we really enjoyed and still enjoy about Calvary Chapel is its use of contemporary worship music and the emphasis they put on entering into praise and worship in song.  To be honest, this was one of the things that drew us to the Calvary Chapel fellowship.

The sermon on this day was given by a pastor visiting from another Calvary Chapel fellowship. At one point during the sermon this pastor made a statement about salvation that contradicted the position of the Calvary Chapel leaders we’d just listened to on the way to church.  While I don’t remember all the particulars of the subject I do remember thinking “this doesn’t seem right, what exactly does this church believe and teach?” After the service Scott mentioned the contradiction to our friend and asked him what the church teaches and believes on this matter. Our friend didn’t really have a concrete answer. Apparently, while these fellowships are associated, the doctrines of this association of fellowships are not clearly spelled out. Each fellowship is led by a pastor and that pastor does the teaching and interpretation of scripture for their church. One Calvary Chapel fellowship website puts it this way,

“…many Christians have asked exactly what Calvary Chapel believes, what are its distinctives, what sets it apart from other Christian groups. At Calvary Chapel, we have always been hesitant to try and answer those questions, not because we are unsure of our beliefs, but because we are cautious to avoid division within the Body of Christ.

We long for unity among God’s people of all persuasions, and we allow for a great deal of flexibility even within our own ranks. Calvary Chapel pastors are not clones who all believe exactly the same thing. Still, there are distinctives that make Calvary Chapel unique and which define our mission.”

It was no coincidence that we listened to these debates and heard these contradictions in doctrinal teaching on the same day. We were seeing the consequences of the doctrine of sola scriptura first hand, up close and personal. Neither of these pastors from Calvary Chapel taught the same thing on salvation and yet they both taught as if their interpretations of scripture were truth. The strange thing to us was that this contradiction in teaching and “truth” was acceptable within this denomination. We couldn’t help but wonder how, if this was acceptable, church members could be “sure” of the beliefs of the church and sure they were being taught the truth? It was obvious to us that this contradiction was the direct result of subscribing to the doctrine of sola scriptura. With no binding authority, the interpretation of scripture is left up to each individual and what they believe the Holy Spirit is telling them it means. As a result, we saw competing doctrinal teachings within the same “denomination.” “Truth” was relative and dependent upon one’s own private interpretation of scripture.  This didn’t sit well with us. While for some people, doctrine doesn’t seem to matter, Scott and I had a hard time accepting that God intended for his church to be teaching conflicting doctrines.

I think it’s important to say that there are many good things happening in the lives of Christians who attend Calvary Chapel fellowships. My sharing this is not meant to criticize these fellowships or their members. We could have easily had this experience at any number of protestant church denominations or “non-denominations.” And I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that although the Catholic Church does have a binding teaching magesterium, sadly there are priests, bishops and lay leaders in the Catholic Church who do not always keep their teachings in line with the official teachings of the church. God just happened to use this experience in this Calvary Chapel fellowship to confirm what he’d already been speaking to our hearts in our personal study; The doctrine of sola scriptura doesn’t work.

It was now time for us to determine what we believe and why we are willing to accept it as truth. It was time to start asking “by what authority” is this person or church speaking or teaching? Why should we accept this interpretation of scripture as “truth?” For that matter, “why do I accept my own personal interpretations of scripture as truth?”

These questions would drive us as we began to go deeper in our study of specific doctrines and as we continued in our efforts to try and talk my parents out of becoming Catholic.

[To be continued...]

Leave a Comment

Surrendering on the Stairmill

August 1, 2007 at 12:25 am (Brokenness, Surrendering)

I’m still praying that prayer to “be holy.” God is answering my request by asking me to surrender my will, desires and plans. He knows it’s easier to surrender when you’re broken. Wish that weren’t the case. But it is. So, the process of brokenness has begun, yet again. He’s asking me to surrender ”the thing in hand” (any Release of the Spirit fans out there will appreciate that phrase). Sometimes it’s so hard to let go of what “I” want. Once again I pray, “not my will, but yours be done Lord.”

As I was climbing my least favorite piece of equipment at the gym (the Stairmill) I could hear the Lord’s call to surrender– to Him, not the Stairmill. I was listening to the Matt Maher song, You Know Who I Am. It’s a simple song with “real” lyrics that call for complete surrender. I’m thinking they were written in a season of brokenness.  Check out the lyrics below…

YOU KNOW WHO I AM  

Verse:

Lord, hear me. I am open. I surrender all my sin. All my pride, gets me no where. Leaves me stranded, empty handed.

So shatter the darkness in my life. As I carry this cross both day and night. All the way. All the way, to heaven. 

Refrain:

You know who I am. Lord please take my hand and lead me into community.

You know who I am please help me to stand falling in love with your family.

Verse: 

I confess, to you Jesus, and to you my brothers and sisters. I have sinned and need forgiveness. Pray for me and I for you.

So shatter the darkness in my life. As I carry this cross both day and night. All the way. All the way, to heaven.

Leave a Comment